Character

Ever feel stuck? I don’t mean wondering if you should get pizza or spaghetti, I mean wondering if you are even hungry at all. That’s a bad analogy…I was never good at those, but I try.

I have felt pretty good the past couple of weeks but a little stuck which is why I haven’t written. There seems to be and organized jumbled mess within my brain on life. That includes friends, family, relationships, wants, needs, careers, hobbies, food, responsibilities…I guess everything! Nothing is in a bad place, just to clarify! Even mentally I feel pretty good and stable ((thank the gods) that was for comedic effect, please don’t come at me).
But I think that I am realizing, now that I am in my late twenties, that I am building a life over here. A character. I am creating a lifestyle and building all of those points of life but am I? Successfully, I mean? Well, it’s food for thought.

Friends are really important to me and are an excellent support system. For the most part, I’ve got some good ones. Unfortunately, I’ve had some trouble with one of them and it really sucks when you just kind of grow apart even though there is so much love in your heart. So you ask yourself, who do you want in your life and then who wants to be in your life. Two very separate questions but have to be the same answer to work.

Family is also really important and doesn’t even require to be blood. As you might know by now, I’m adopted and all of my 6 biological siblings have different parents making them half siblings. So my family is earned and not automatic just because of blood. Remember that. Anyway, I adore my family and appreciate them so much. And if they are a piece of poo, I don’t consider them family and it is as simple as that. My family is slowly expanding and growing closer (at least for me) and I couldn’t be happier.

A romantic relationship is a whole other topic for me. People ask what I want and I really enjoy having a partner but I don’t feel the biggest need for one like some do. I have a partner right now that I have a blast with. It has been over a few years and we do so many things together including travelling and activities/events. We are best friends that support each other and want the best for each other. And it’s is that simple. There isn’t anything bad about it and there is only honesty. Is that enough? How long can that last? Good question! Stay tuned for that one.

Wants and needs are just for you! As of right now, my self love tank is pretty full. I feel like I am taking care of myself and really putting myself first. Sometimes I have to realized that just because I want it, doesn’t mean I need it. But other times I have to realize that if I need it, I should want it because it’s literally for the best.
If you have read my previous posts, you may know that I am at a crossroads with my career. I am definitely on a singing path but to where, I am not quite sure yet. Stay tuned for that bumpy road!

Hobbies sort of fall under the category of wants/needs because you should want to do your hobby and you also need to do a hobby. And I think I’m pretty well versed with hobbies! Riding horses is probably the biggest one making the reward also the biggest one.
Food is one of the most stressful things we have to deal with on a daily basis. At least for me it is. If it were up to me, I’d live off of pizza, cookies, and popcorn, but I can’t do that! So I made the decision to eat 2 meals a day instead of 3+ and one of them includes Jimmy Joy Shakes. I know I am getting my daily intake of everything I need like vitamins, minerals, and protein. And that way, I can eat something later in the day and not feel icky for not eating right. I definitely feel more energized and lighter with it compared to when I don’t have it and I think that was a really good choice for me and my body.

Lastly, responsibilities is something that no one can run from. Some people have help with their responsibilities and some people are facing them head on alone. I am not 100% dependent. I pay for everything I have except for where I live. I take care of my 80 year old grandma though and that takes a lot of time and effort so I feel like it balances out. But that is something I plan on changing and being completely alone and attacking my student debt. It’s a lot of debt. IYKYK.

All of this to say, these are the most recent things on my mind and it seems like it’s everything! But I am so grateful that everything is OK and that I am constantly working on myself and trying to be better in all of those areas. I think that we work really hard to please people in our life (or maybe even out of our life) but what really counts is yourself. You are your hardest critic and you are working on this character that is yourself. And if your character isn’t portrayed as you want, that’s when it gets scary. Because you are trying. I am trying.